Update

First of all, I'm doing ok and thanks for the positive vibes. Keep 'em coming as I wait for the results.

Secondly, I know not many people have had a chance to follow through with the book. Should I keep listing the weekly updates? I have no problem doing so but want to make sure there's still an interest.

Thanks again all!

Elena

A birthday Wish?

Oh sister Squirrel,
Do we have this right on the side bar that it was you birthday Yesterday??? Oh Happy Birthday Hope you had a wonderful time celebrating with family and friends.
~v~motherbear

Sending good prayers and thoughts

Elena is going to need our support today...keep her in your thoughts.

~v~motherbear

Rachel Ann

I just want to let everyone know my daughters mammogram came out fine! No problems! Her scare is over. Thank you all for your support and prayers! Love you!

New members!!

Hi Everyone,

Along the way upon my journey I am blessed to come in contact with some great women, here in the Artist Way Journey Blog group we have just that going on. One of our new members has already been invited on Barbara Boland... which some of you know in person...She's still getting use to the whole blog thing. And now I would like to invite Melinda Vandril-Beer... It may take these ladies a bit to get use to the on line posting but I'm sure they will get use to it soon enough.

After you have sign on and are on the blog you look to you upper right corners and see where it says post and it will bring you to the post area at the bottom of the post is publish post you hit that when you finished chatting about things. Also take a look at the Dashboard in the upper right corner, hit customize and it will bring you to the dashboard take a look around. Just poke around a bit and see what's there.. As to comment on a post that is already up on line, you hit comment under the post and you are brought up to a small screen to write in..

If you would like to give a little introduction so we can say Hi to you that would be great!

So glad you have decided to join us here, there now is 25 women attached to this blog. Not all of us are able to post all the time but a good group still do... We always welcome a visit for our tribal members we haven't heard from in along time.

Also if you would like to just play around with you Inner child a bit and give yourself a Tribal name, it kind of helps us bond in a special way. I can put that next to you name on the side bar. Once you get use to the way the blog works... who knows you might be setting up a blog of your own and we will be hooking that up next to you name also...

enjoy the journey ladies, Remember what you put in is what you get out of it. But then sometime life decideds to pick us up and take us for a ride and we aren't able to contribue as much and that's alright too. But a little secret... we do miss you when your not here...

Peace to you all good tribal Women,
On to a new day here and our book that we are sharing, if you don't have the book and still would like to share on the question Elena(hummingbird) has posted that fine too.

~v~Motherbear

motherbear long winded comments

Tama’s Questions to Ask Yourself
1. Who are you? What do you believe you can achieve? What do you believe you deserve? Can you trust yourself? Can you trust your world?
Depends on the day.... I'm a woman that has always had the need to create, I do believe I can achieve what I most need to... I don't believe I deserve anything more, so I'm grateful for what I have and with that I'm given what I deserve. The trust, long time before I would have to say no and that's only because of the survival mode I was in and it made me do things, and I was not to trusting about but as of now yes I can trust my myself.... My world right now is the home I have, with the family I love and the bed I sleep in.... any more then that I really can't trust if that's the word that fight best. I look at it as this is what I can tend to and trust.
2. Tama says that the above questions can’t be answered on your lunch hour, while visiting the post office or calling your husband? How can you create space in your life to begin to answer these questions? Are you living a less expressed life? That's true the question that Tama asks I don't think can be asked and answers in one sitting as I said before it depends on the mood I'm in and the situation I'm in but over all I feel that I am knowing who I am right now better then I ever did years before...I guess I'm settling in to form or this body quite nicely. I always think about the old wise woman with the lushes round body and when she gives a hug you know it with honesty truth and heart.. So with that rambling I'm throwing at you all I'm feeling that I'm slipping in to the role nicely. For me the Creating of a space is knowing thy self and what is most important and being honest to myself... that is the way I create space. I'm just now realizing that the alone time is about being present and the more I'm present in the being of the day the less lonelier I feel... The less expressed life for me is the life that I can handle and no one Else's... Less drama and more about the moment and what gratitude I have.
3. How difficult would it be for you to leave a job of status for a life of substance? I spoke with Mary Gayle(turtle woman) about this a little and she said that the book isn't for me really as I've already have a life of substance going on... true at that maybe the thing that I find difficult is keeping what you have with in reason of the natural course of change. I do love my life and I've been through my share of problems and I'm sure there will be some more, it wouldn't be life. And how would I keep learning if I didn't come across situation to be solved now and then. but I do have faith that a higher resource can guide me through it as he as in the past.
4. In what way would you nurture you talents if you had the space to explore their horizon? well if I had the horizon.. which I really like this term... I would not fret so much about the grubbily gook in my head and put the energy into the doing and really let the creative old wise woman out the closet.. and let her wreck havoc on my creative soul...I also would like to work on the area that always gives me some trouble and that is to stand true and not compare my world to others.. I really try hard but I want to get better at that cause it slips in to my horizon and feeds off of areas that take so long to regrow strong again.
5. Could you relate to Tama’s story of about drowning your lack of passion in your life with extravagant purchases, outlandish trips and binges of all sorts? i do spend my money on art supplies and a few funky clothes but mostly I'm a food shopper for the family and that's about all I spend on purchases...(books too) I'm more one that finds great joy in the walk in the woods and finding a wonder piece of nature to treasure then the material stuff. I have been working in my morning pages more now about my emotional state and how filling a void with food, drink, drugs and money isn't the answer though it's a break on the moment of thinking and pain maybe it's not the quick fix as the human race has been geared to look for.. heck I see it in my own children and try hard to direct them else where but there young adults now.. a good base was layed out.
6. Have you ever felt so in alignment with you life, so balanced, that the newest, latest, hippest, tastiest, chicest person, place or thing didn’t matter. This is a good question today for me, the more I stay connected with my higher guidance the feeling that is described here is really present and yes I get that feeling that it doesn't matter... My life is good and in balance.
7. What created that feeling of living your dream? Was it love, working with passion, an interior retreat to your spirit? How would you begin to find your way back to that connected centered self? What would your first step be? Life long loaded question here, and again for today I answer them as honest as I can. I never said I'm going to be an artist and sell my work and teach it too. but some how it choose me and has been leading me long the way... as I share with Vianne the other day about self-doubt, when I doubt the path something comes up and keeps me here in the arts. Whats the wildest thing is I don't realizes I'm in the doubt mode it just happens all by itself and then I realize I'm doing it, yes caught in a whirl wind and then I try to calm myself down and realize what emo-coaster I was on and ask for help or guidance and I that's when I receive a phone call or email and I know then that my course is changing and I need to flow it.
Tama Ask How to fine oneself again....? I think I'm still in the JC mode of thinking with this one and I will answer this with honoring my likes... fun artsy cloths, big blueberries, rye toast, walks in the woods, journal writing, lunch with a few good friends, connection with my higher spirit and to knowing that I was giving this life and though things have happened and there are some issue that are still not settled I do have choices about what I'm going to do from this day forth... and making choices to not stay stuck was the first steps I took. And I still take now. What I've found is that for my peace of mind I needed to walk away from the art league that was one day a week I was working it was damaging my spirit...I know that it this may be hard to hear for some and hard to make choice to walk away from a job when you need it most but I decided the energy that was getting stomp out and on was worth something to me and I needed to give it a special place to grow and in that environment it wasn't healthy for me...

I'm personally working on the call to create and being alone more in the studio, it's a funny thing but it's a fear of mine... after realizing the class reunion that I've always spent my time alone with very few close friends... I pushed myself out there to face fears of speaking in front of people and now I have a good following of creative spirit, which is a blessing because they are my teacher.. but the calling is to create more in my own studio and be comfortable in the home stead and not worry about pushing so hard to get the work out, though I will still do that but I think I was doing it for other reason and now I'm questioning it and want to create what is welling up and that will take more time alone and to know that it's going to be OK and finding the balance is always there.... see understand the ramblings in my own head and sifting through that for the truth and trusting in that... I want the crap in the head to stop and just let me be and create so as I finish this you can all tell the MotherBear is standing on her hind leggs to make her say and she's going to push her presences in my directions and I've got to follow her, she's not done me wrong this far...

I have to add that though I'm not reading the book and have no idea if I'm getting the concept Tama is trying to reveal I'm so loving the questions.

thanks again there Elena.... All will be alright and trust that the out come will be cared for no matter what answers come.. so know the a higher guidance is watching over you.

1. Who are you? What do you believe you can achieve? What do you believe you deserve? Can you trust yourself? Can you trust your world? I'm learning to trust.
Well, probably not. Still have dreams squashed by the world... I know I deserve so much more than I've ever received, but it may not come in this lifetime. Sorry Tama. I've achieved so much more than anyone would ever notice, but it was not for me, it was for others.
2. Tama says that the above questions can’t be answered on your lunch hour, while visiting the post office or calling your husband? How can you create space in your life to begin to answer these questions? Are you living a less expressed life?
Well, of course I'm living a less expressed life. It takes more than serving onion rings to keep a roof over your head. There is no one to call on, except of course friends who wouldn't likely still be around if I were asking for help. When it takes four jobs to survive, there is little time to express oneself. No one wants to hear the anger that comes with getting stepped on. Create space?
3. How difficult would it be for you to leave a job of status for a life of substance?
What job of status? Had my job of status and was politically removed and all my labors were credited to a county board member. Life of substance isn't the bed of roses Tama spells it out to be. The recession has given others a taste of what my life and many others have lived for years. You have to decide, socks or bananas. You can't have both.
4. In what way would you nurture you talents if you had the space to explore their horizon?
Irrelevant. Did I win the lottery yet?
5. Could you relate to Tama’s story of about drowning your lack of passion in your life with extravagant purchases, outlandish trips and binges of all sorts?
Sure. Sometimes drowning in alcohol keeps you from staying awake in anxiety.
6. Have you ever felt so in alignment with you life, so balanced, that the newest, latest, hippest, tastiest, chicest person, place or thing didn’t matter.
I never cared for latest. I enjoy my personal tastes and what others choose isn't as important. So... living in poverty is being in alignment. She's correct there.
7. What created that feeling of living your dream? Was it love, working with passion, an interior retreat to your spirit? How would you begin to find your way back to that connected centered self? What would your first step be?
Having two weeks off to catch up with years of clutter would be a start. And it isn't expensive extravagances piling up.

I know my answers are very negative, but the questions are forthright and unpretty. Denial of realities may be the answers she's looking for. Maybe further on she'll experience life, but she's not conquered living in a war zone, protecting your children.

Chapter 3 – Creating Time for the Time of Your Life

Please accept my apology for the tardiness of this post. I'm working through a little setback..


It Takes an Intermission to Give Birth to a Mission
“Unfortunately, we have to leave our prisons to find the keys to our freedom.” Tama J. Kieves
Tama explains how we often must take a break from the things that have our entire focus and may be distracting us from what we truly desire. Some of us work the long hours and buy the latest “follow your dream” books but are too exhausted, or distracted, to follow through. It’s not just about changing jobs but changing your life and it deserves your full focus. She also gives an example of someone who had to keep working but used the evenings & weekends to consciously research and follow her desires. “Consciously let go of what tires you, and what inspires you will take its place.”

Sometimes You Serve Onion Rings to Serve Your Journey
Since we probably still need to make a living, Tama suggests we consider the type of job that is transitory and doesn’t consume or define us. The type of job that will “carry [you], but not tarry [you] with temptation or self-inflation.” Tama speaks of having to deal with the bruised ego which barraged her with questions like “How could you wait tables with a Harvard law degree” or “Darling, this is just beneath you….” In the end, she valued her self-respect more than her self-importance.

It’s Never a Step Down to Step Ahead
Tama’s friend states, “It’s up to you whether you see liberation as exciting or terrifying. You can see transition as some kind of failure or some kind of adventure.” After the self-imposed cut in pay, Tama had to take stock and reduce her living expenses. She had to fight through feelings of loss, humiliation, fear and the feelings of paddling against the current. Once she changed her perspective, she states “I no longer saw myself as stepping down from a superior life, but stepping ahead into a life of artistic dignity and determination.”

Full Hearts Inspire Fit Budgets
“We live with ache until we live our dreams. Ache costs. We “reward” ourselves, distract ourselves, spoil ourselves, and survive ourselves, because we cannot bear to feel ourselves.” Tama
Tama explains that instead of confronting our inner longings, we often reach for the instant gratification of things, of alcohol, shopping, trips…of stuff. She suggests that when we begin to live our lives as we’re meant to, that we stop seeking the instant gratifications because our hearts begin to fill with joy; that we are in balance. “Only the repressed turn reckless. The expressed have better things to do.”

My Future or Now? The Investment Decision
“The only people who become wealthy by being concerned with the future are insurance companies.”
After a lifetime of saving income to enjoy at retirement, Tama had to face the decision of reinvesting in her retirement or investing in today’s dream. A decision to postpone enjoying life now or later. She decided that “there might not have been a future for me to grow old in, if I hadn’t grown young and wild in that moment.” To secure her future she had to invest in herself today.

Tama’s Questions to Ask Yourself
1. Who are you? What do you believe you can achieve? What do you believe you deserve? Can you trust yourself? Can you trust your world?
2. Tama says that the above questions can’t be answered on your lunch hour, while visiting the post office or calling your husband? How can you create space in your life to begin to answer these questions? Are you living a less expressed life?
3. How difficult would it be for you to leave a job of status for a life of substance?
4. In what way would you nurture you talents if you had the space to explore their horizon?
5. Could you relate to Tama’s story of about drowning your lack of passion in your life with extravagant purchases, outlandish trips and binges of all sorts?
6. Have you ever felt so in alignment with you life, so balanced, that the newest, latest, hippest, tastiest, chicest person, place or thing didn’t matter.
7. What created that feeling of living your dream? Was it love, working with passion, an interior retreat to your spirit? How would you begin to find your way back to that connected centered self? What would your first step be?

Personal Thoughts
My career became my prison; one I willingly walked into and gave my full focus to, bringing work home, working by phone on vacations. And when I grew tired of the inner gnawing, I’d just change jobs. Same thing over and over again; stuck in the spiral of refusing to acknowledge the inner desire for something more. A year ago it became clear that I could keep moving and I would keep following me. I would always keep spiraling because I was the problem. And I’m on break now and finding that prisons can also be created in your mind by self-doubt. These trigger inactivity; I’ll play the blame game if it means I don’t have to move forward. I’m slowly realizing that to move forward and become unstuck I need to let go of past habits, make a commitment to myself and take risks. Otherwise, I’ll be stuck living the same lessons over and over again until I get it straight. Now you know why my blog is so crazy!

Tama’s discussion in Sometimes You Serve Onion Rings…really hit home. I haven’t pursued a job because I can’t get past my bruised ego. When I feel drawn to certain jobs, my mind screeches that I’m better than that. How dare I waste all that experience, time, money and so on and so on. Then I catch myself submitting for the same career I left only to run backwards when I receive a call back for an interview. Don't get me wrong; I'm not conceited or on a high-horse. My career was always a source of pride to my dad and family. I mistakenly associated myself with it; I was my job. And I'm working at detaching myself from that misconception. So I’m changing my perspective. It’s not a step down; it is side-stepping the pothole to walk along a better path. It's investing in my future happiness...now.

More Prayers Needed

My daughter at 26 has been ordered a diagnostic mammogram in December. Right now she is very positive. It seems a mass rather than a lump. So much not knowing time.

New Computer at Work!

Yeah! I can read Bev's and Elena's blogs with a new monitor. Screen was too dark before.

A few answers.

1. What kind of support would you like to ask for from your unsupportive self?
Forgive yourself for not having more and being more. My previous lists have been relentless and uncompromising and rather depressing as I fail to achieve them.
2. What secret doctors have you encountered? Have you been avoiding answering questions from your unsupportive self?
Last night I dreamed a doctor dream, I suppose. I was thumbing through an expansive amount of unframed pieces deciding which to frame. They were all new to me.
3. Tama says “It doesn’t matter what we can buy, It matters what we buy inside.” What do you buy inside? What do you believe about yourself?
My moralities have always been extremely high. I stand only for what I believe in and don't follow a crowd. Money has not been extremely important but knowing I had been help for someone with real needs, not demands.
4. What matters more to you than making money or getting people's approval?
Opposite my last answer, making money is more important. With all the censors and jealousies out there, approval isn't for worth but vanities. Money is necessary to keep a roof over your head and food in your stomach.
5. Tama poses the questions “What will you live for? What you look like to others or what you feel like to yourself? Appearance or experience?”
I am experience. I think I'm rather young to be as experienced as I am. I would prefer my appearance to be more svelte, but that's necessarily compromised while I focus toward other achievements.
6. Tama had a dream where an angelic being says “You were meant to write books, we thought you knew.” If you were to view a movie of your life, what in life would you realize you were meant to do? What path should you have taken?
I should have striven and applied for the grants and scholarships available as a youth. The education is not at all feasible to me now. While I was taking classes, my ex refused to bring home his salary. With three small children. Why would no one hear me then? I was young and inexperienced.
7. Tama speaks of coincidences, cosmic woo woo,…of something unusual happening when we choose to follow our inner connection.” What instances of synchronicity have occurred for you when you were listening to your inner voice?
I was wooed by my dream last night. I look at absurdities all the time as secret messages. Do I understand them? I used to sort things out in my compositions. Many tasks accomplished. I don't have time to create that much art!

Some thoughts on the book

A lot of things are going through my head when reading the book. Lots of questions and maybe I'll just sum up some things that I thought of. I love what I'm doing now, and I don't think I'd change anything that lead up to now...I'm glad we moved here, back from Iowa where I went to school and met my hubby. It opened up lots of opportunities that I may not have found out about where we were before, like the calligraphy group of people here. I know for a fact that there are not many groups in Iowa. And that lead me to the wonderful classes that I took through the group which led me back to painting that I had quit doing because I got so bogged down with the fact that I couldn't quite create what was in my head so I refused to try anymore. I got over that when I finally decided to take a watercolor class. I had been doing acrylic painting in college -in a very realistic style and thought watercolor would help me free up my style. It ended up being fun again and I also met some really nice people to work with at the Center.
I used to work like a fanatic while the kids were in school. I'd start as soon as they left and worked all day. That's not happening right now but I'm good with that. Sometimes I feel guilty that I'm not accomplishing more like I used to but what I do now may be more quality than quantity so that's good. I like taking classes because sometimes I just don't make time to play or even to work some days. It's easier when you have someone else to work with. That brings up the problem of being an artist and being isolated in your artworking. Sometimes when I have a goal I do better, like a collage show coming up...that does seem to push me more or motivate me to get going again and make a project to work on.
Well that's all for now. It's such a nice day and it's calling me to get outside before the cold sets in again!

Chapter 2

Haven't received my book yet, but I can still address some of these questions.
1. What kind of support would you like to ask for from your unsupportive self?
Here's what I'd like to hear: Self, you already have all that you need. Accept it with grace. Embrace your creativity, and just DO.

2. What secret doctors have you encountered? Have you been avoiding answering questions from your unsupportive self?
hmm..this one hits home. When someone has said something that bothers me, it bothers me that it bothers me! I keep telling myself that my reality is no different because of what someone else does or says. And yet it continues to stay in my mind. Mentally, I realize that it's ME, not them. But emotionally I revert to that little girl who needs to please everyone.

4. What matters more to you than making money or getting people's approval?
What matters more is connecting--with others, with myself, with God. My art fulfills this need for me.

7. Tama speaks of coincidences, cosmic woo woo,…of something unusual happening when we choose to follow our inner connection.” What instances of synchronicity have occurred for you when you were listening to your inner voice?When I am feeling connected, in the flow, I have these experiences often. I try to recognize them as they happen, but sometimes it's only later that I realize how amazing these occurrences are.

Not much, but it's all I have here this Monday morning! Hope to get the book soon and catch up with everyone.

Marge D.

Chapter 2, Motherbears comments

I've been on a bit of personal path lately only because it's calling for it and it's pulling my focus where I truly need to be. So I've not read the book but I have it and I'm enjoying the questions...

My support from my supportive self- I hear in my morning page strongly lately is... You know what you so enjoy doing and you know how you feel after that moment you take care of yourself that way, please continue to do that, yes you are mostly alone while you create and yes you are alone mostly while you clean the homestead and cook for the family and still you are alone when walk in your woods but you are so much at peace with this behavior. (Remember... Spirit say I'm with you as you walk always) Accept it's gifts and walk softly now and enjoy your quiet moments, turn to your art journals and do what you so longed to do while passing of this time of change in your life.
My Secret Doctors-my guidance has come in forms of a area and events in my life that I can't fix other pains and hurts. And their my close family members, my young adults are so growing fast but any inch of direction from me is wrong at this point so I've been backing off greatly and it hurts... yes it hurts but I remember what My Step-Mom said it me when I was in the mists of major raising of the kido's, She said your job it to raise them to become independent of you... And I am seeing that though they all live in the homestead they are making choice for their futures and it isn't involving me. Now I'm not trying to at all to pick their futures more so I'm backing away and watching them make them and I so want to say and direct but I know it's their lives. I was sharing with the hubby that it feels as though I'm avoiding them but no we are not we are allowing them to make their own choices, grateful they can and still live at home... My guidance is letting go and learning I'm not in charge of no one but my own area or acreage...
What do I believe in side of myself? I do believe that I'm guided by a higher presences in my life and I so like to call him Spirit, the spirit in all living things. I also believe that I make mistakes on my journey here so that I can continually learn new ways to look at life and see the bigger picture. I do believe that I strive for a more perfect side to myself that will be a game of cat chase her tail if I don't get a better grip of her soon... no don't get me wrong there are more moments when I don't feel the perfect side then do, so I'm getting better with that.
What matters more the approval, the money or can it be more then that? Well with being a shy bird and some what of feeling like a misfit growing up I do starve for attention as though you all haven't seen that here. There is a line I try not to cross but I do go over sometime with that. Money does matter in the extent of survival but really at this point all needs are taken care of... though life has a way of change at any moment so I will just settle with that. Over all with this question is If I wasn't able to create or freely express myself in some way I know I would die inside so I'm so grateful to be able to do what I do and "along the way dreams do come true."
appearance and or experience? I so do like to freely dress and some times the creative bohemian in me wants to let it all out but really the experience can carry me far more then the appearance thing but why not have some fun along the way... I'm only here for a short moment and really who cares... do you think they will be thinking about this in the grave?? No way so way bother? do it and no regets.
What was I truly meant to do? Every time I ask for guidance I receive this word Inspire
It has been on my creative path for so long that I can't help myself but help people to look at life with the ability to do what they would like to try. I feel that I'm to inspire other by following my bliss, though it's a tough path its one I wouldn't change one bit. I've heard that you can do more with what you do then with what you say.. Though I need more practice with this I do believe it.
Oh moments of instant Woo Woo's- this is so great!!! I can't tell you how many times when I question what I'm doing or do I want to continue this... hauling art supplies, tents, artwork and sharing by demo's and teaching... I'm given a sign like a phone call to give a workshop or a demo. Little do I understand the moment it happens but I do doubt and get stuck in the muck and something like this happens.

Great questions even though I'm not able to read the book right now, after reading them and comment I'm feeling very empower if I might say so!! Thanks Elena!

For Elena

Elena,

I haven't been on the net as much as usual and because of this I missed one of the posts on your blog about your painting. When I first saw it I thought "Wow Elena is painting a wattle tree!" And then I felt sad because I didn't comment on it. Keep going, you've done a really great job! Check out the pic below. I reckon you are painting an Australian wattle tree.

Revelation

As I couldn't get a copy of the book you are reading I thought it would be good for me to at least read something. I got 'Weekend Life Coach' by Lynda Field and am enjoying it immensely. A lot of it I've learnt in the Artist's Way but still its good to revisit or get another angle on it. Whether this relates to what everyone s reading I'm not sure but it is related to personal growth and that's what we're all here for right? Lynda writes about an exercise she gets clients to do. You are to write 'Success means....' at the top of the page and jot down what comes to you without giving it a lot of thought. She gives an example what one of her clients, Elinor wrote: 'success means thinking I'm better than I am, getting too big for my boots, maybe losing my friends, maybe people not liking me anymore, not being one of the gang.' Elinor had been a bright girl on a council estate and at the age of 11 she won a scholarship to a private school. From the moment she left her local school she became an outsider, different from the other children she had grown up with. As a result Elinor had mixed feelings about success. I gave this some thought and wrote 'success means' at the top of the page. To me success means working long hours, not enough time for family and friends, no fun only work work work. Well I don't want that! No wonder I sabotage myself at every turn. I don't want my perception of success. What a revelation! This is huge to me. Lynda now suggests I need to reprogram my subconscious with positive statements and upbeat visualisations about success. Phew a huge learning curve. I'm really excited. Maybe then I will stop sabotaging myself with the many tools I have managed to accumulate over the years.

Chapter 2 - Fear Uncovers Your Touchstones and Backbone

Critics Only Rattle the Rattled
“It doesn’t matter what someone says to us. It matters that we choose to listen, agree, and seethe.”Tama J. Kieves
Tama explains how external opinions will have no merit if we are already comfortable with ourselves; with our choices. If an opinion or comment rattles us, this can be a sign that there is something internal we need to address. We can blame others for our unhappiness or we can acknowledge and deal with our internal demons head on. She chooses to view people who rattle her as “secret doctors” who were sent by the universe to bring her attention to a “self-inflicted ache within [her] psyche.”

One Size Does Not Fit All
“Success is as much a singular affair as falling in love.” The way one person measures success cannot apply to everyone. Doctor, lawyer, the shiny new car may mean nothing to someone who may measure success by the feeling of completing a journal entry or the first commissioned art piece. Do we believe in the horrors of the starving artist? Or is the starving artist the happiest person alive because he is living his dream?

The Living Have No Ghosts
“Only by living your dreams can you dispel your ghost. Your gnawing is your knowing. On the right path, there is no secret mortification and no phantoms.” Tama explains how the money, fancy clothes, cars, jewelry, may not be fulfilling if we’re not following our true desires. That nagging feeling that we have one life, one chance, to fulfill an inner desire will not give us peace of mind until it is acknowledged.

Count on Support You Can’t Account For
“Coincidences, luck, providence, cosmic “woo woo”, voodoo, or grace, something unusual happens when we choose to follow our inner connection.” Tama explains how things just seem to turn “deliciously quirky” when we stop resisting, stop swimming against the current, and just go with the flow. When we let go of the worry & doubt, and just trust…things start to happen in our favor. Tama says “Trust the unseen networking of all of life. Those invisible operators are standing by to take your call and place your order. Life does work in your favor, when you do.”

Sometimes You Have to Lose the House to Acquire the Mansion
“Your heart has called you to step out on the edge, the thin ground that is actually safer than all you’ve known before. Trust your instincts instead of your conditioning. The edge will bring you to your edge and to the secret dimensions within you.” After losing her financial means, Tama had to find a new sense of security…in herself. By believing and trusting in herself, she discovered that her inner strength and confidence provided a greater sense of security than money, privilege, and approval ever had.

Tama’s Questions to Ask Yourself
1. What kind of support would you like to ask for from your unsupportive self?
2. What secret doctors have you encountered? Have you been avoiding answering questions from your unsupportive self?
3. Tama says “It doesn’t matter what we can buy, It matters what we buy inside.” What do you buy inside? What do you believe about yourself?
4. What matters more to you than making money or getting people's approval?
5. Tama poses the questions “What will you live for? What you look like to others or what you feel like to yourself? Appearance or experience?”
6. Tama had a dream where an angelic being says “You were meant to write books, we thought you knew.” If you were to view a movie of your life, what in life would you realize you were meant to do? What path should you have taken?
7. Tama speaks of coincidences, cosmic woo woo,…of something unusual happening when we choose to follow our inner connection.” What instances of synchronicity have occurred for you when you were listening to your inner voice?


Personal Thoughts
This was a difficult chapter for me to read but far more difficult when I had to outline it for you. I am fighting these very demons right now. My success was based on the amount of money I was making, the big corner office, the prestige…and I couldn’t understand why I still felt empty. I felt selfish for not being grateful that I had these things while others struggled to make ends meet. And when I willingly walked away from it all I felt (feel) like a failure. I am rattled by any comment anyone makes because I have refused to confront those demons and have not found peace with myself. I have to admit to feeling angry when reading through this chapter because I felt that, sure, Tama already knew what her calling was. She knew she was meant to be a writer. I think that’s the hardest step. I have no @*#!*# clue what I’m supposed to be doing so the gnawing continues. I am a true believer though about counting on support from the universe. Things seem to respond to an inner need. As for “losing the house”, I think it applies to my losing everything I’ve ever known as being familiar. I’m a stranger to myself now but a little tiny voice seems to tell me that I’ll come out stronger in the end. Let’s hope…
NOTE: You don't necessarily have to answer all of Tama's questions. These are just points to consider. But please do share any thoughts that might benefit the tribe.

book discussion

Have been away from here for awhile; was busy planning our trip and then ON our trip (to Kauai). So I just got caught up a bit. This sounds like an interesting discussion. Thank you, Elena, for leading it. I will order the book and tag along as I can. May still be "in and out" for awhile, but definitely want to read this book.

Marge D. (deer woman)

When do I feel most inspired in your life? I feel most inspired when I'm out in nature, the connection to what is bigger and matters. The peacefulness with a walk in the woods can carry me all day long but I do have to go back often to regain that inspiration it doesn't stay with me for long, I need to work at what inspires me in my life. The time best is early morning the that all creatures are waking up, but then I've been stirring up my own pot of inspiration and going out to the woods at different times like around dusk which is really been a thrill. How does the body feel. Like this is my home where I belong, comfortable and totally aware all senses are wide open like a sponge... I'm willing at that moment when I'm there in the woods. I feel when I leave I've secretly taken a small part back with me, I so want to share it with everyone but it for me and it comes in and then shines out in ways that really does surprise me. I can tell when I need inspiration, I get this nasty side to me.

What have I repressed? Can it be nothing? this question has me thinking... only in a way of what have I stopped myself from doing? Nothing... I've allowed an idea to come and let it carry me so now on the opposite note I'm looking at making choices that I can handle. Most I can but do I want to.... don't know if that makes sense or not but it' where my brain is now.

If I had a choice to have a do-over with out fear? I would do it the same way because as Uta has said I feel that it is who I am today and the person that I'm to become in my better part of my life still not lived yet.

The voice I'm hearing now-I'm hearing stay strong on the path you have about these 13 piece you are to create, stay strong on the artistic journaling and sketch booking and slow your butt down a bit," let the flow guide you woman!!!" If I may say this without sounding to piggish, I've seen and experienced the power of setting goals and meeting at the door first and now what the heart says is you've done good lady now have some fun and do what the spirit is guiding you to do. Let it happen and let it be! No regrets and no prisoners to be found, this is your life and you've got some choice ahead and I'll be there with you. OK that's my voice right now .... sorry to impose it on you all but you know me got to let out to be true.
Trusting the path from the past to the future, how it that happening? Simple My higher power which I choice to call Spirit is leading me on and I just trust that whole heartly and if I choose to make my own choices about things it's find and dandy as I've always got a second chance to get it right or maybe a few more if I'm stubborn about things.

Demons I wrestle lately-Always... is it right or not.... I'm I good enough... Am I doing enough...will they like the work... Then I kick that Sue critic in the butt and tell her she doesn't know what she's talking about and that feels so wrong when I give into that she devil.
What does it take to decide to live your dream? Supported loved ones be it you close family or you new family in an art tribe. And Yes the most important of all is to just do it and show up.... stuck in lala land isn't going to cut the cheese ladies. I've learned do the hard stuff first and then it gets easier later instead of the avoiding and hem hawing around get down to business... as Steve Pressfield said... It's War Babe, it's war and what if feeling it is to stand up for yourself and be that warrior... ok I've got to go teach a class.. Missed you all this weekend and thanks Elena for getting a great start to another self-discovery path.

My Answers to Tama

1. When do you feel most inspired in your life? What time? Where? How does it feel in your body?

I feel most inspired when I am working through a problem successfully. Strengthens that resolve.

2. What have you repressed? What have you “put a nice doily over”?

Tons of things. I was taught to repress anything that wasn't suitable to repeat. Increased the amount of abuse life would throw at me.

3. In a perfect world, what is it that you would have chosen to do in your life if you had not chosen out of fear or practicality?

In a perfect world I would have had a partner that supported my art. Without jealousy and
sabotage.

4. Have you heard the voice of your heart and denied it out of fear? Have you ever in your life stood up to the fear and denied your own limits?

I've stood up again and again after getting knocked down. Problem is as single mother of adult children, no government or social service entity gives a rats ass about me.
My successes are mine alone. No one is there when I fall.

5. How have you honored your passion to emerge in the past? In what
ways have you trusted “the process” in the past and how did it impact your life?

Youthful stamina kept me progressing. Desire to become self sufficient through art. Continuing to open to opportunities when glaring obstacles, I mean eyes disrupted my every entrance into the zone.

6. What does it take to actually decide to live your dreams? What emotions have you gone through and what demons have you wrestled (or are you still wrestling)?

Wrestling. I pretty much summed that one up in answer #4 and #5. I worry a lot that it's too little, too late.